Four Times Kurt Was Jealous and One Time He Didn't
by aedy
Summary: Four Times Kurt Was Jealous and One Time He Didn't Have To.


**Four Times Kurt Was Jealous and One Time He Didn't Have To**

**1. **_Jealousy for Attention._

If there's one word Kurt can use to describe his sixteen self, is selfish, at least when it comes down to his father's attention or getting the boy he loves. How many times people hear about karma and '_what goes around comes around_' and plans backfiring?

In his plan of getting Finn, he never thought about Quinn, or about Carole or his father. He doesn't care that Burt's attention is almost always focused on Carole because he can see for himself that Burt is so much happier when Carole is around, but the moment he sees his father and Finn together, all he can feel is jealousy. One thing is to have his father's attention shared with Carole and one thing is to have it shared with the perfect son Kurt is sure Burt always dreamed about.

His plan was to get Finn as a boyfriend, not finding a new wife and a new son for his father.

**2. **_Jealousy Comes With Envy _

There are times when Kurt wishes that he could be happy for Finn and Rachel because she's a friend and Finn his soon-to-be step-brother, but every time he catches them kissing, he can't help but make a rude remark about them.

The last thing he wants to admit is that he's jealous of Rachel Berry, that he envies her and not because she got the boy he was in love with, but because she's loved and Kurt wants that, sometimes so desperately that he wonders why he can't just be satisfied with having a loving father and a great best friend.

**3. **_Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person_

After years of dreaming about getting a boyfriend, the last thing Kurt ever thought was that he would have to see his boyfriend flirting with someone else. He can still remember being jealous of Rachel and Blaine going out on a date and before that of Jeremiah because without trying he had gotten Blaine's love.

But this is worse because Kurt was sure he was enough, he waited for Blaine to be the first to say, "I love you" because he wanted to be sure that he really meant something to Blaine and now he's sitting next to his boyfriend but he could just as well be in another country.

He's not blind, he knows that Sebastian is good looking, that he's confident in way Kurt will probably never be while he's in Lima, but he still thought he would be enough for Blaine. He feels the need to stake his claim because deep down he's sure that he can't hold Blaine's attention for long, it's why he asked Blaine to change school after all.

He looks between Blaine and Sebastian and feels invisible. Blaine can't even tear his eyes away from Sebastian long enough to look at Kurt for more than a second, he can't even stop smiling.

Kurt thought that finally having a boyfriend would be all he had dreamed about; the thought of his boyfriend making him feel insecure was never an option he had considered.

**4. **_Jealousy Comes From Lack of Trust _

A part of Kurt's mind knows that what he's doing is wrong. He's supposed to trust Blaine but he can't help himself. Rachel told him that he was exaggerating, that Sebastian was just someone who wouldn't take no for an answer and that it wasn't Blaine's fault if Sebastian kept showing up.

The problem is that he has never heard Blaine saying that he wasn't interested and every time they're somewhere and Sebastian magically finds his way to them, Blaine never asks him to leave. Kurt is also sure that if someone comes onto you too strongly and you're not interested, you don't go out with him for a coffee. After all, getting coffee was something Blaine did with Jeremiah and then with Kurt and Kurt has to shut his eyes for a moment and balling his hands into tight fists to stop his mind from following that course of thoughts.

He tell himself to trust Blaine, to stop with this stupid jealousy that has turned him into one of those people that are always asking, '_Where are you going? Who are you meeting?_'

He's pretty sure he won't succeed.

**5. **_…and one time when he didn't. _

If someone had told Kurt when they were still in high school that he would end up sharing his dorm room with Noah Puckerman of all people, he would have laughed in their face. But at nineteen he finds himself sharing his room with Puck for the second year, and half of his classes, half of his friends and half of the drive from New York to Lima and back.

The most absurd thing is not that though and Kurt can hardly believe himself that there something more surreal.

It took Kurt a year to notice that Puck had never once asked to change room or stopped his friends from asking Kurt to join them whenever they went out, but when he does to notice, it's all so unbelievable that he stops speaking with Puck for a week.

It took Puck a year and two months to get Kurt to agree on a date, stop questioning when did he exactly start liking guys and finally get a kiss.

What surprises Kurt the most is that they're not jealous of each other and not just because Puck has changed so much since high school that he can keep his focus on just one person for longer than it takes to get that person in bed, but also because after sharing a room for more than a year, they trust each other in a way they had never trusted anyone else before.

He once asked Carole if that meant that they were giving what they had for granted. Caroled had smiled, shook her head and told him, "The fact that you're questioning that means that you are not. You trust each other and in a relationship, jealousy comes from lack of trust and insecurities. You are just sure of what you have, of your feelings. Lots of people think that jealousy is something you need in a relationship because otherwise it means you don't care, but that's just one big lie, Kurt. Jealousy is what breaks couples." She had ruffled his hair then and left him alone in the kitchen.

Whenever Kurt thinks about what Carole told him, he can't help but smile because he had never thought of Puck as a potential boyfriend but he had turned out to be the one that had lessened Kurt's insecurities and that had made him forget about jealousy


End file.
